IPL cheerleaders hit for six!

Hey, have you been watching the Indian Premier League cricket? (SOUND OF CRICKETS, NOT CRICKET)

Oh well, you may not have caught up with this... the Washington Redskins NFL cheerleaders, who were flown into India to help warm up the quiet and reserved Indian fans (PAUSE WHILE AUDIENCE GETS THE INTENDED SARCASM), have been banned from some stadiums after people complained about their revealing outfits and provocative dancing.

Apparently they don't like too much 36-24-36 with their 20-20.

The fans said: "Put it away girls, we'd rather check out Warnie's flipper... or Murali's doosra..."

Luckily the IPL people had a replacement cheerleading group ready to fly in...

Taxi drivers protest

Angry Indian taxi drivers blocked the major Melbourne intersection at Flinders and Swanston Streets this morning protesting about driver safety after one of their colleagues was stabbed early Monday morning. Transport Minister Lynn Kosky eventually offered to meet with the drivers at Parliament House, but they showed up late... seems they got lost and had to ask a passing pedestrian for directions.

I smell trouble for WA Opposition Leader

Shocking news today out of Perth… did you hear about this? (AUDIENCE TITTERS NERVOUSLY) West Australian Opposition Leader Troy Buswell has admitted that he sniffed the chair that a female Liberal Party staffer had just been sitting on in his office. (PAUSE FOR SHOCKED/OUTRAGED "OOOOH") He hasn’t resigned yet, but if he does he’ll definitely be in demand as an expert commentator on future election night broadcasts. Well just imagine this - Laurie Oakes or Kerry O’Brien throws to Mr Buswell for his opinion: “Troy – what do you think?”

(SNIFF, SNIFF) “Hmm, that seat’s too close to call.”
(SNIFF, SNIFF) “I’m giving that one to the sitting member.”
(SNIFF, SNIFF) “I’m picking up strong Green preferences in that seat.”

Logies week / 2020 Summit

Hey, it’s Logies week – are you excited about the Logies this Sunday? (AUDIENCE APPLAUSE, WHOOPS AND WHISTLES) Yeah. A Logie – that’s the name for what you get when the Australian television industry clears its throat. (SCREW UP FACE AND GRAB SIDE / DRUM & BASS STING)

You’ve probably heard that the name “Logie” comes from the middle name of television pioneer John Logie Baird. Just what is a TV pioneer, anyway? I looked into this – apparently, back in the day, John Logie Baird loaded a bunch of black & white sets into a covered wagon and headed west into the great unknown… He wound up opening the first Harvey Norman in Parramatta.

Imagine if they named other awards after the middle names of famous people. You’d have the Milhous Awards, after Richard Milhous Nixon, for outstanding achievement in lying by a US President – Bill Clinton was a three-time winner in the 90s. And then there's the Rodham Awards, after Hillary Rodham Clinton, for being lied to by a US President.

Officially they’re the TV Week Logie Awards… In case you were wondering, that’s “week” with a double E. (PAUSE FOR UNEASY LAUGH, A FEW HISSES) No, no, that’s not fair. In fact, the list of past nominees for the big one – the Gold Logie – includes the greats of Australian TV… like Simmone Jade Mackinnon, Rachael Carpani, Ada Nicodemou, Bridie Carter, Lisa Chappell, Libby Tanner and Dieter Brummer. That’s your household names right there.

Say what you like about the Logies, but it is Australian TV’s night of nights. Everyone who’s anyone will be there at Crown – in fact, they’re expecting almost as many famous actors and rock stars as there were at the 2020 Summit.

Seriously, that 2020 Summit was so star-studded they flew Joan Rivers to Canberra to do the red carpet arrivals. Did you see her? (IMITATES JOAN RIVERS SHOUTING) “Kevin… Kevin… who are you wearing?” “Peter Garrett, who did your hair?”

And how about those 2020 red carpet fashions? (AUDIENCE APPLAUSE) Cate Blanchett was wearing Armani, Hugh Jackman was wearing Calvin Klein and the PM’s wife Therese Rein was dressed by Silver’s Circus.

We’ve got a great show tonight. Back after this break.